Hello. My name is Donna Chan. I’m 45 years old and a Mum of two children aged 13 and 9.
I am an outgoing and enthusiastic person by nature. I’m a people person, and the driving force behind my career choices and social life has been the engagement I have with people.
I have been ill with clinical depression on 4 occasions over a 6 year period.
1: December 2012 to March 2013 – 4 months
2: September 2014 to February 2015 – 6 months
3: March 2016 to June 2016 – 4 months
4: January 2018 to June 2018 – 6 months
Depression is a mental illness. It is far more than ‘feeling down’. It comes with debilitating symptoms that affect both our mental and physical health. Each very long day is filled with panic and pain. This image below depicts the various symptoms of depression.
When I first became ill, I didn’t understand why. My GP wisely said to me “let’s not worry about why, let’s get you better first and then we can look at why”. It was excellent advice and care. My good health returned 4 months later. But I forgot to look at ‘why’ and went back to my superhuman ways of being the best Mum I could whilst working in a fast paced environment.
I love being a Mum, and I loved my job and the freedom I was given to perform well. But the two together = burnout. I became unwell again September 2014 and this lasted 6 long and hellish months. When I got better I strived to learn and understand more about why I had become unwell. I read a book called ‘Depression, the Curse of the Strong’ by Dr Tim Cantopher, a consultant psychiatrist. From this book I learned more about burnout – you can’t continue to put 15amps of energy through a 5amp fuse – the fuse will blow!
I made the decision to take redundancy from work April 2015, a decision I’m really glad I made. I was learning to ‘slow down’ – not easy for someone with a strong work ethic and a love for people (most people!) And then I became ill again March 2016, and realised that I was doing a lot of volunteering in the community, and was just as busy as ever! Burnout! Another 4 months of hell! At this time I seeked the help of a private psychiatrist, and am thankful that my friend Google found me a guy called Dr Beider. The care and support I received from him and his admin team at Psymplicity Healthcare http://www.psymplicity.com was excellent and more! I trust Dr Beider; he is the right balance of medical care and compassion/empathy. He also explains things well and I always come away learning something new and helpful.
But I did get ill a 4th time – and this came as a massive shock and surprise, wasn’t I doing all the right things? This time my trigger was different; I had applied, been interviewed, and been offered a job at Age Uk Camden. It was the position of outreach worker, and part time at 18 hours a week. But a day after I was offered the job I had a massive anxiety attack, which lasted the whole weekend. I turned down the job and I got in contact with Dr Beider; medication was tweaked and regular appointments were needed. I learnt that the job I had applied for had very similar parallels to my previous job – a big name company – travel into central London – periods of working in isolation – a reporting hierarchy structure. These elements were the trigger for anxiety. It wasn’t logical – I loved my previous job so why would a new job trigger this trauma? Logic does not coincide with mental illness. Sadly, this anxiety triggered off an episode of depression. Cue the worst 6 months of my life! This time around I was able to find supporting services in Barnet, two of them new! When my good health returned I was able to engage in a few courses in regards to behaviours and wellbeing.
I am open and honest about my experience of mental illness. I’m not ashamed – quite the opposite – I’m proud of myself! I asked for help and I survived through the most difficult periods of my life. And now I am well again and incredibly grateful to have my good health return.
This is why I am happy to talk through my experience with anyone who may need support themselves. I know what it feels like when you are experiencing a mental illness, and it’s peer support that kept me going through the most difficult of days.
And let’s work towards reducing and eliminating stigma. It’s unhelpful; it can have an adverse effect where people don’t ask for help because they may feel embarrassed. Embarrassed to be ill? That doesn’t seem fair; it’s ok for us to talk about physical ailments and illnesses, but mental illnesses aren’t generally discussed. But it’s as important, if not more important, than physical health. Without mental health we have no health.
Within this blog page I will write and share articles on
Mental Illness – which for me is depression, and a few new layers of understanding the illness better.
Mental Wellness – looking after our wellbeing through various helpful exercises.
I continue to learn, and I will continue to share what I am learning. Let’s help each other; never look down on someone unless you are helping them up.
www.mimw.home.blog 